Survival Mode: Living In The Modern World As A Queer American
LGBTQIA+ protest lead by Faith Cardillo. The UPLJ does not own the rights to this photo.
By: Faith Cardillo and Tracy Osawe (Ed.)
February 14, 2024
When I was in high school, I realized that I was growing up with two metaphorical targets on my back. As a student, I constantly feared that I would become the next school shooting victim featured on the news. Additionally, as an openly gay woman, I was also terrified of becoming the next anti-LGBTQIA+ shooting victim. Not many people realize how the previously mentioned issues intersect. However, as someone who has lived directly in that crossfire, I came to that realization at an early age.
When I was thirteen, the February 2018 “Parkland Shooting” claimed the lives of seventeen students and faculty at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida. In the wake of that tragedy, Cameron Kasky (a junior at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School), founded the “March For Our Lives” movement – which I immediately joined. That movement was “... dedicated to promoting civic engagement, education, and direct action by youth to eliminate the epidemic of gun violence”.
Even though I was not a victim of the Parkland shooting, I was emotionally triggered. Suddenly, it felt as if I was living in constant survival mode. Instead of entering a classroom and talking with my friends, I had overwhelming fears that caused me to create a swift and strategic mental escape plan. Nonetheless, I was hopeful that I would never have to use such a plan.
In January 2020, during my freshman year of high school, I was robbed of that little hope. Specifically, I was forced to endure an eight-hour-long active shooter incident at my school – Union High School in Union, New Jersey. That occurrence resulted in additional emotional drain and exhaustion. However, it also fueled my passion to further create change amongst my generation as it pertains to gun safety. That is why I decided to increase my volunteer hours with the “Students Demand Action” activists group. Like the March For Our Lives moment, Students Demand Action aims to expand people’s knowledge on gun control.
While this was going on, I was in the process of coming out to my close friends and family. Then, just a few months after I came out, a shooting at Club Q in Colorado Springs, Colorado claimed the lives of five people and severely injured twenty-five people. Club Q, which has since closed, was a gay and lesbian oriented nightclub.
As a teenager already questioning their sexuality (and working through the fear of being subjected to a school shooting), I was truly alarmed by the fact that an individual could inflict fatal, bodily harm upon my person, due to my sexuality. It was almost as if it were illegal for me to be alive.
In order to find some form of comfort, I joined the “Queer Youth Assemble” (QYA) non-profit group. QYA is focused on bringing LGBTQIA+ youth together to support one another by sharing their stories. Essentially, QYA allows queer teens to support one another via the use of shared experiences. QYA, also allows queer teens to partake in the organization of planning national protests.
For example, the QYA provided me with an opportunity to organize the Trans Day of Visibility protest for the State of New Jersey. QYA organized over one hundred and sixty protest throughout the fifty states for Trans Day of Visibility.
As the main organizer for the State of New Jersey, planning such a protest allowed me to share discussions with several students and teachers who expressed their daily struggles of existing as queer individuals. Those discussions allowed me to realize that I was not alone. Many young (and older) people are survivors of the two metaphorical targets mentioned above. But most important of all, I was not the only teen forced to prematurely engage in “survival mode” living, to overcome the fears of school shootings and anti-LGBTQIA+ shootings. That is why I ultimately formed my non-profit organization “Bulletproof Pride”.
Bulletproof Pride works to combat gun violence through the lens of the LGBTQIA+ community. It provides queer teens with a safe space to exist in the moment, while simultaneously creating a safe space for younger generations to come. By sharing personal stories, legal cases, legislation, research and mental health resources, I strongly believe that Bulletproof Pride has the potential to increase the overall awareness between gun violence and the LGBTQIA+ community.
Living in constant survival mode is not freedom.
Faith Cardillo is an undergraduate student at Fairleigh Dickinson University (Metro). She majors in Government and Politics. Faith is set to graduate in May 2027. Upon graduating, Faith plans to continue advocating for minority groups such as the LGBTQIA+ community, women and students. Such advocacy will include collaborations with Bulletproof Pride and March For Our Lives.
Faith is one of The UPLJ’s newest editors.
Please visit bulletproofpride.org for additional information regarding LGBTQIA+ advocacy.